Blurry Hearing (definition)

Updated from original post dated September 23, 1999…

The talent for hearing a conversation incorrectly.  Related to “selective hearing,” which is the keying on particular words (names or sexual terms, especially), but with “blurry hearing,” what you thought you heard wasn’t even actually said.

Anal-Retentive

“Does anal retentive have a hyphen in it?”

“More properly, it has a colon.”

(author unknown; I heard it from Kate Yule)

Elections

“Elections are not about picking the best person for the job.  Elections are about choosing the person who will do your issues the least harm.”

(author unknown)

Cologne

Several years ago, at a rodeo host hotel (where then men should be butch and manly, and the women, too), I got on the elevator after a pair of West Hollywood queens got off, and I was nearly overwhelmed by the fumes.  Although I didn’t say it verbally, I sure thought it hard:

“Girlfriend!  Leave some in the bottle for next time!”

GLAAD

“If they’re GLAAD, why are they always so pissed?”

G.L.A.A.D. is the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, a media watchdog group that pays attention to portrayals of lesbians and gay in film, television, and other popular media.

Metro Redneck (definition)

Someone who lives in the city and drives a pickup, but isn’t a contractor.

Stealth Blonde (definition)

A seemingly non-blonde who still manages to have “blonde moments.”

Boots

“You don’t break boots in.  Boots break you in.”

Pornography

“Erotica is the porn you’ll admit to reading.”